On my desk. Fighting my own thoughts. Every single day was filled with hustle and bustle. My college year was soon going to be over and the commencement of job interviews was on the edge of a knife. I had so much work to do. On one hand, my Instagram feed was waiting for my new piece of art to be uploaded and on the other hand, baba chanted this phrase like some mantra - 'C'mon beta! Go give interviews and have a good placement to live a good and happy life. 'This is the 5th time you said it to me Dad', I screamed. Life was pretty hard back then. I wondered what my present had planned for my future. It was dinner time, and I felt that yes the time had come to tell Ma-Baba about my secret. Everybody has things they don't want to share with people. Yes, I secretly wanted to be a painter. Paintings weren't my passion, it was a reply to every valid action of my life. It was an emotion I wanted to feel every single day, every single second. I had an art page on my social media. I, at least, wanted to build the courage to tell my parents about my art page.
My parents always wanted me to excel in the IT industry. I never knew why but they said that I'll have a well-settled life. I was good in my academic field, but that did not mean my heart urged me to work in a stupid 9X5 job. I wanted my name to be learned by the whole world.
Days went by and I had not noticed that my art page got such enormous growth. Everything felt like a dream until I realised I had an interview tomorrow that Baba and Ma were so much excited about. I decided to tell them about my secret after the results of the interview. They knew I'll pass that with flying colours and yes I surely did. I could have intentionally blundered that interview but I didn't, because a little part of me wanted my parents to really agree with my decision to be a professional painter even after I cleared my interview. I had made up my mind to tell them about my big secret.
The day had come. Baba was elated about the interview which I passed, for which I got a high-paying job offer. We decided to go out for dinner. At the dinner table, we sat. I had my phone ready with my art page on the screen. I had two voices in my head.
Ah! poor me; did not have a bit of confidence, to stand for her own happiness, against those of her life givers’. Yes, I backed out! I did not show them my Instagram feed. I wonder what would have been their reaction if I had told them about it? And here was the usual ‘No-risk-taker-Laya’.
They always knew about how good I was at painting but failed to recognize it as much as they did for my academics. I guess that was the reason why I failed to reveal my talent to them or maybe was I too shy?
Days were passing by like running water, and my head started to feel heavy from my deciding thoughts, putting pressure on me like that of a waterfall. I struggled each and every day with my burning thoughts, after that dinner night.
‘Should I, who is such a scary cat, confess about me choosing my passion over anything else?!, who could not even show her parents a simple Instagram feed?’, I kept thinking. But a little part of me was confident on this matter, and wanted to put everything of her, for the decision of her life! I pondered with persistence, and every second thereafter; reached my final resolved thoughts.
I, without thinking of the consequences, showed them my works and the lakhs of audience that I had. I was surprised to see that they complimented me so much. I am not a fan of taking risks, but I did this time. Maybe my passion drove me to do so? I don’t know why I thought that showing them my Instagram profile was a risk, but darn, I had to stiff my upper lip while doing so.
They always knew about how good I was at painting but failed to recognize it as much as they did for my academics. I felt so contented that they appreciated me for my passion.
Days were passing by like running water, and my head started to feel heavy from my deciding thoughts, putting pressure on me like that of a waterfall. I struggled each and every day with my burning thoughts, after that dinner night.
Indeed after such positive responses from maa and baba, about my passion, I gained some confidence in order to confess my real desire. But this was a serious deal, unlike that of showing my Instagram feed. Here was the ultimate risk of all and I am a ‘No-risk-taker-Laya’. Although a little part of me was confident on this matter and wanted to put everything of her, for the decision of her life! I pondered with persistence, and every second thereafter; reached my final resolved thoughts
Life gets hard sometimes, it makes you choose between things that you love the most in this world. I had to do my life's decision-making this time. I was surprised to see that they complimented me over my insta account. That boosted my confidence level, and a breeze of positivity made my head cool. We were all so happy until I told them that I wanted to opt for painting as a profession.
They started making me understand the cons of it, and how choosing it would doom my future. My parents pursued me to take that high-paid 9X5 job offer. They neglected my decision. I was shattered. I was hurt that my parents couldn't see the passion I had for painting or rather I was disappointed in myself that I couldn't make them understand my zeal for the same.
That night, I wept to sleep. But before that my hyper teenager brain cells contacted a verified art exhibition manager, who asked me if I could display my artworks in Paris, last week. I said yes and booked an early morning flight ticket with my scholarship money, and was aboard to Paris the next day.
It's been 10 years since I made that decision. To this day, I thought to make a little visit to my old but not forgotten love, the paintings. I had distributed all of them to the charity and heard from some sources, that one of them was displayed in an exhibition in Delhi, the city where I grew up. I thought to make my visit there.
I still cannot believe that it has been 10 years! 10 years since everything got changed,10 years since I left my home, and 10 years since I contacted my parents until I became successful and independent, which is now. I had achieved everything which I dreamt about in my passion, but without my parents, all this happiness did not feel happy. I secretly landed in Delhi to see the exhibition; a getaway from Paris. This was just an excuse. I actually wanted to see my parents but did not have the courage to do so.
When the dusk was gone, I casually strolled to the exhibition building and entered with this really strong and strange aura. I then searched for my painting. While searching, I saw a crowd, gathered in front of this art. I got excited and went to see it. In front of my eyes, stood my parents, sobbing in front of the painting, which deciphered my home, which was indeed my parents, and was titled “The emotion-tent”.
I was overwhelmed to see their presence there. What a coincidence! I ran and hugged them. We cried, we smiled, and that moment was the most precious art, I have ever seen.
Life gets hard sometimes, it makes you choose between things that you love the most in this world. I had to do my life's decision-making this time. I was really happy that night, at the dinner table, when my parents appreciated me for my passion. It felt like my very first prize, it felt like my biggest achievement. As I had said, I was really contented. And at that night, yes, at the dinner table, I had certainly chose the ingredients to cook for the rest of my life.
Yes, I took that silly 9X5 job. We have to give up, at times, in order to achieve some things and for me that something was the emotion I wanted to feel every single day and every single second.
Once I make a decision, I'll regret it but won't change it. It’s just my things. I was disappointed about the decision I made at first, but we have to be strong to face the reality, sometimes, the reality to give up the thing you love, for some things you love.
It's been 10 years since I made that decision and lost that deep connection with my passion. I thought to make a little visit to my old but not forgotten love, the paintings. I had distributed all of them to the charity and heard, from some sources, that one of them was displayed in a nearby exhibition. I thought to make my visit there.
I casually strolled to the exhibition building and entered with this really strong and strange aura. I then searched for my painting. Ah! What a nostalgic area it was, brewing all those old memories like it was yesterday. In the corner, I was standing, saw a girl who was just about my age, when I left my passion, dreaming the same dreams that I dreamt once. She had put her beautiful painting on the wall, so beautiful it reminded me of mine. Just beside that painting, I saw something familiar. I found my painting.
I went to that girl, and she immediately started fangirling. I learned that she idolized me. I was so overwhelmed. That painting of mine deciphered lost emotions, it was titled "The Emotion-aren’t". The name of her painting was 'The lost Laya'.